another smoke, eh?

Man i have been in Canada for too long!! Getting older makes you think that you cant really enjoy anything... have to work, save money, save for the wedding, plan this, do that. Never ending.

My 20 year old "brother-in-law" got me high tonight. O what it means to be young again...

I always realize how old i am once im stoned and it then reminds me that life is about living it...

I am lucky to have Hailey, fuck, she is my life. But still i need drama. I miss the life back home and how much fun it was. Why did i get sooo old. FUCK. Smoking a bong with the new-brother-to-be fuct me up and i love it!!

I realize that yes, it is a new time, but it doesnt mean i have to be pussy wipped... Have it.

I can still party, enjoy the times and plan life for the future. I think Hailey understands that now. I will love you and you alone for life, but let me live mine...

RAN

I watched the movie RAN last night and I have decided it's time. I am applying to go work in Japan and hopefully will be living there by the beginning of 2010. It has always been a dream of mine but it's time to make that dream a reality! No longer will I wait for things to happen. I am making them happen, now. Can not wait for for the culture change, new adventures, new experiences, best sushi in the world, sake in vending machines, Yamazaki, Mount Fuji, learning more about Shinto and most importantly learning the language!

It is going to be Sawesome!

Arigatou gozaimasu!

Empty

It's not what i wanted. How the fuck did it get like this. You think it's going one way and then you end up in Canada. Again.

If only one day i can have everything i wanted and do the things that i saw myself doing and be with the person i saw myself being with...( when i'm 40) It is that day (today) and nothing is the way i thought it would be. What is up with that? Like a wise friend once told me, chase the things that you think would bring fun into your life cause life is short. Damn right it is. How did we get to this point? Where did the good days go? Sitting at home on a Friday night, drinking a bottle of wine just to feel like you are having fun (fuck me...). The day will come when one bottle becomes two, then start thinking what you are gonna tell your wife just to get out (or maybe even away) and go have some fun. Is that the future? Why do we get so old so soon? Ha ha, yeah poor old guy, fuck you buddy, you'll get there. Sooner than you think...

My day has come. It is upon me. Fuck my life. Don't get me wrong, it is way easy to get out of this, but do i really want to? I know that i'm starting to be the family man, but somewhere in me there is this person that says, just one more party, one more line, one more trip, one more holly fuck where are we and how did we get here? But yet, those joys of having a kid and a normal life sounds so good. The love of your life is also a bonus, cause when, if ever, would you find that again? I Hate being so fucking selfish. Pull it together boy. So, brinning me back to what i wanted to say, im happy. O so happy in life. Medicate, medicate, medicate.

Hold on, we are almost there. No point in stopping the car now...

Midget clowns

Everybody has some kind of fear. Some get scared of ice cream loosing its shape, some people get scared of spiders, but some phobias are worse than others... A lot of people have the fear of clowns which is called "Coulrophobia" - an abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns (exaggerated? who wouldn't be scared of a guy with a painted face, red hair, huge nose and acts drunk).

What if someone was scared of midgets? This one is a bit harder, seeing as people don't really know what to call it, midget phobia, micro phobia and to me the best, Lollypopguildophobia. There is some kind of comfort in knowing that there are people out there that have the same fears as me. People suffer from midget phobia when you feel awkward and alarmed when you see a little person standing before you. The fear is accompanied by several symptoms such as dizziness, nausea, feeling of sickness, vigorous palpitation of the heart, a fear that you may become mad or lose control (maybe kicking them in the head when they get to close), a sort of inability to utter words or think clearly. I don't really know what it is or the reason for these feelings, all I know is that I'm scared shitless of midget clowns!

I recently read an article about the children in the Gaza strip and how 2 thirds of the Palestinian kids have no safe areas for entertainment. A Palestinian charity group took it amongst themselves to organize entertainment for the kids and came up with midget clowns performing. Haven't these kids suffered enough? Just the thought of having that as entertainment makes my heart beat faster. I'd rather stick my hand in a wood chipper than be entertained by the spawn of satan...

Let's hope that traumatized kids, that get more traumatized, somehow turn out to be "normal" people of the population and let the rest of us suffer the rest of our lives with Coulrolollypopguildophobia.